Trigger Warning - Sexual abuse
When I was between ten and eleven years old, I was molested more than once by a trusted family friend who was supposed to be like a grandfather to me. I was afraid to tell anyone, so it lasted for months. I was already insecure before then because of my weight. I was already bigger than most of the kids at school, not just because of my weight, but because I was aslo much taller. I was different, and they made sure I knew it.
When I began 6th grade, my mom made me go on diets. I purposefully ate on top of them. At the time, I didn’t want to become skinny. I didn’t want to be pretty. In my mind, I had seen what happens to “pretty girls”, and I wanted to make sure that it would never happen to me again. I wanted to feel ugly; I thought that I deserved it.
It did happen again, but not as severely. I gained weight all throughout high school, became very obese, and still I was chosen. I now know that it wasn’t my fault. A monster is a monster, no matter what the victim looks like.
Over the past few years, I have finally learned to love my body. I am beautiful, just like every single person on this blog. I am capable of being loved. I deserve happiness. I am now running my own weight loss blog; not to get skinny, but to get healthy; not because I hate myself, but because I LOVE myself.